- Stay up until E11EVEN | 29 NE 11th St, Miami, FL
2 am is for the rest of the world, E11EVEN is open 24/7 and this never-closing dayclub/nightclub/ stripclub is filled with sexy dancers who attract an unusually high number of female patrons who’re tucking, slapping, and motorboating their dollars away. The romantic, gourmet Touché sits on the rooftop and serves aphrodisiacs that set the tone for the evening. Though if you’d rather, the daily happy hour with half-priced drinks is tough to beat.
2. Hang up the suit at Haulover Nude Beach | Haulover Park
Imagine the same crowd as South Beach, just without any clothes! It’s a unique way to erase tan lines or just get naked for the fun of it, on the quarter-mile stretch of Haulover Beach. If your interested in making friends, the locals tell you its likely someone will say hello, but you may want to leave the selfie stick at home. Bring your sunscreen, and flirty personality.
3. Go to Miami Velvet | 3901 NW 77 Avenue, Miami, FL
Picture yourself walking into a bar, that isn’t playing ESPN, but your favourite adult movie – you walk over to order a drink, and the star herself is standing next to you. You both lock eyes and decide to take a tour of the “towels-only” area… Let your lifestyle dreams become reality in this state of the art, award winning premiere swingers club. Your night can go from tame, to legendary just by walking in…
4. Get a Key to House NightClub | 1915 NW Miami Ct. Miami, FL http://www.djoybeat.com/venues/house-nightclub-miami
Never mind the bathroom b***h who passively aggressively hands you the toilette paper, House Night Club is the only place in Miami that offers you a painfully pleasurable night. Take a ride on the wild side and enjoy a topless performer on stage, or let a little person in a mask beat you with sex toys. Or subtly dine on the menu with items like “Mommy Swallows”, or “Creamy Glazed Glory Holes”, or my personal favourite “UR Anus”. There’s also beds in the VIP area complete with “toy” drawers, a naughtier-the-better dress code, and live shower shows nightly. Whatever your delicacy, bring your appetite.
5. Get Dirty, then Clean at the Standard |40 Island Ave, Miami Beach, FL
A date as a spa might seem only slightly more appealing then a date at the above mentioned “Fifty-Shades” of sexy night clubs, but when you can lather your date with a Turkish Hamam Rub and Scrub before hitting the co-ed steam room, the hotel’s hydrotherapy playground with a Roman Waterfall Hot Tub, a Mud Lounge, and a Sound Shower, and then lounge by the topless pool that doesn’t allow kids, all of the sudden it seems like a much better way to spend three hours.