More and more men in their twenties choose to date a woman around 40 years or more. Is it a fad or seeking experienced? How twenty-something men prefer to date older women? It is because they are more ‘intriguing and attractive’?
But first why are they called Cougars? Well “cougar” is a term for an older woman who prefers to date younger men. There’s a connotation there of a sly, experienced feline going after a toothsome little rabbit. Most of its popularity stems from a 2001 book by Valerie Gibson, called Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.
Knowing the terminology takes us to the main question. Have you ever wondered what attracts a younger man to an older woman?
Men in their twenties actively seek relationships with older women, because they find them to be more ‘attractive, intriguing and secure’ than people their own age.
According to a new survey by dating website, men aged between 20 and 29 are much more likely to date a woman who is significantly older than them, while men aged 30 and older, while still eager to enter into a relationship with someone younger, are starting to close the average age gap between themselves and their ideal prospective partners.
According to psychologists, the reason for this interest in older women for younger guys probably has a lot to do with how society is changing.
Young men nowadays probably recognize that older women are adept at diligently juggling so many responsibilities (career, children, housekeeping, fitness, finances, socializing), which makes them intriguing and attractive and a more secure option.
And of course, it’s not my job or my business to judge the results that over the years, could trigger this type of relationship. Many immediately begin criticism and opinions (which in most cases, no one has asked) what if over the years the couple wants to have babies? Or how they will look as a couple in a few years? Etc.
No, No, No… We will only concentrate on the reasons for a young man to prefer the companionship of an older adult female. And we will let the Hollywood stars out of it too!
In addition to the reasons we already know, like fame, fortune, money, etc. There are many other reasons for which young men enjoy the company of older women. So I gave myself the task of asking several couples, which I have the honor of knowing, and that are in this type of relationship. What other reasons are there for a young man to prefer dating older women?
Reason #1: Older women avoid putting pressure on the men they date
Want to know the quickest way in a budding relationship to send a man running in the opposite direction? Pressure him, about settling down, “putting a ring on it” or having kids — things that a woman in her mid-to-late 40s and early 50s hardly ever does with her dates. “Because she’s not at an age where her biological clock is ticking loudly or all of her friends are just getting married, the desire to settle down isn’t an older woman’s main romantic goal,” explains Jennifer Bidwell, a dating and relationship coach in Washington, D.C. “This is a huge reason why a man — especially a younger one who isn’t completely ready for all of those life-changing experiences — will be attracted to someone in her 40s or 50s,” says Bidwell. To avoid putting an uncomfortable squeeze on the man you’re seeing, Bidwell advises adopting a couldn’t-care-less attitude about getting serious — even if it’s really your top priority: “By adopting that cougar-esque practice of acting nonchalant about commitment in the early stages of a relationship, you’ll allow your guy to give himself to you more freely and completely, because he won’t feel the weight of your need to find Mr. Right right now.”
Reason # 2: Older women love their independence.
Older women are typically more comfortable being alone. They’ve spent time in and out of relationships and consequently they know how to get along fine without us by their sides every single moment. They know that they don’t need a boyfriend attached to their hip to be happy. This means that older women are less likely to be clingy or needy, which makes them much easier to get along with.
Reason #3: Older women know their way around the bedroom
It’s no secret that men love physical affection, but as with anything, not all intimacy is created equal. Because midlife women sometimes have 20 (or more) years of experience over their younger counterparts, their seduction know-how can be pretty extensive — and really, what man would complain about a woman who knows exactly how to please him? “Experience used to disqualify women from being respectable sexual partners; but now, that same experience has value — and it’s part of what many men are looking for,” says Dr. Pepper Schwartz, author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years. In order to make up for your relative lack of experience, she suggests reading up on some new techniques. “There are countless books, videos, websites and even blogs on these techniques, all of which can be accessed in the privacy of your own home,” Bidwell advises. She also suggests asking lots of questions when you’re in bed together: “Not all men like the same things, but there are a few constants. The easiest way to learn is to come right out and ask your partner what he likes and what feels good to him, and then remember it for the next time — whether it’s with him or someone else!”
Reason # 4: Older women are better dates because they have more sophisticated tastes.
Plain and simple, older women do grown-up things and that’s another one of the top 10 things we love about them. They’re not interested in getting stupid drunk and passing out in a public washroom. They’re not interested in grinding on a dance floor to obnoxiously loud techno music. Older women are past their rebellious phase and over their need to be the center of attention.
Reason #5: Older women aren’t coy about making the first move
Perhaps the sexiest thing about older women is their readiness to take the lead — be it asking for a date, kissing someone or simply initiating a conversation. Forget The Rules — what makes these women irresistible to men is their assertiveness. Sometimes, being in the passenger’s seat and not the driver’s seat is the biggest turn-on for a man. I can’t tell you how many men have told me that they find it incredibly sexy when a woman confidently approaches to say that she finds him attractive, offers to buy him a drink, or even tells him what she likes in the bedroom.
Reason # 6: Confidence
Older women know themselves better than anybody, which helps them exude confidence. Having that poise, assurance, and certainty is extremely sexy and attractive! Men adore a confident woman who has her own routine, and isn’t afraid to be herself around others. This sexy assertiveness is why men find older women attractive. It is so much easier to spend time with a woman who is less demanding, more relaxed, and has a good attitude about life. With confidence comes less drama and more fun.
Reason # 7: Older women are more responsible.
An older woman is most likely a hard worker that has built a foundation for herself. Older woman tends to be more clear and focused and know exactly what they want. She can help guide and teach a man the ways of life and build up his drive, confidence, and self-esteem. The life experiences she has been through can also help a man stay grounded and realistic.
Reason # 8: Older women keep it classy when they go out looking to meet men
Though Girls Gone Wild-type behavior seems to be de rigor (in bars and clubs after midnight, anyway), most women in their 40s and 50s know better than to lie across a bar and offer a random stranger the chance to do a body shot off of them. Sadly, swanky going-out behavior seems to be the norm among many young single women these days. It may be alluring on a purely ‘I’d like to sleep with her’ level, but no man I’ve ever met wants to enter into a serious relationship with a woman who struts into the bar with her boobs falling out of her dress, gets sloppily drunk, or seductively dances on tables at a club. It’s OK to have a regrettable ladies’ night out when you’re with your girlfriends, but when they are looking for a real relationship, they keep their nightlife behavior strictly aboveboard. Their slogan? “When you’re out and looking to attract a man, make like an older woman and sip on a classic cocktail — like a dirty martini or a Manhattan — and dress to look pretty, not to be provocative.”
Reason # 9: Older women are assertive.
Older women often have a clearer sense of who they are and what they want. Consequently, they’re less timid when it comes to men and they’re also less inclined to play games. While a woman in her early 20s might waste your time playing hard to get, or trying to make you jealous, a woman even five or 10 years older is more likely to cut to the chase and be upfront about her feelings or lack thereof.
That kind of forthrightness is refreshing; it can even be a turn-on.
Reason # 10: Older women value your time together.
Equipped with a clear sense of what’s really important in life, older women are more appreciative of the time you spend together and they aren’t likely to be reckless with your emotions. That’s the thing we love most about older women.
While younger women often don’t take men, relationships or life in general very seriously, an older woman understands the value of a good man. She’s seen what’s out there, she knows what’s at stake and she’s not likely to take you for granted.
As we can see, we can reach to the conclusion that, fame and money, is not what makes a younger man to feel more attractive to older women.
And I will close this blog with a phrase from relationship expert Susan Winter about this modern love dynamic.
“As long as we live our truth and express our life fully, there is no limit to our world. We are servants only to our dreams… not to society’s expectations. To live with complete freedom, the life we choose. Without limitation, shame, or justification. Freedom of choice to be who we came here to be, and to love whom we want to love.”
I will said, case closed…They are the perfect blend of experience and youth…