Sure, sex with your partner is smoking, but how much hot would it be to add a third person to the mix? We know that a threesome, or ménage a trois, has crossed the minds of most couples at some point or another, especially for men (It’s every man’s dream: two beautiful women, a crowded bed and him as the main attraction while his sexual fantasy plays out in real life) whether as a fantasy or the real thing.
And while not everyone is comfortable even suggesting one, a little honesty can go a long way to help you make the fantasy a reality or even just incorporate the fantasy into your own sex life. Here’s how to make threesomes happen.
Always keep an open mind
When one partner suggests a threesome, it’s easy for the other to feel worried about the state of the relationship. Actually, a threesome sex fantasy is a compliment. Any time I’ve had a partner approach me with the idea, I’ve felt flattered and viewed it as a positive sign of their comfort level with me, regardless of whether I actually chose to participate.
Make it a fantasy first
Your ability to talk about a threesome is a good indicator of the strength of your relationship (and communication is key when it comes to making threesomes happen). Can you discuss other sexual topics openly and without embarrassment? If so, this chat is probably going to go a lot more smoothly. Start off by enjoying the concept of a threesome as a sexy secret fantasy between the two of you.
Pretend you’re going to have one and choose celebrities or random people from a crowd that appeal to you both. Now gauge your partner’s reaction. Does she show a spark of interest in the real thing? If not, keep it as a fantasy and use sex toys, porn or role-playing to incorporate it into your sex life. If she is interested, move on to the next step.
Discuss the details
If your partner shows interest in an actual threesome, it’s time to hash out the details. How do you envision it? How does she? It’s no surprise that about 95% of heterosexual guys prefer a woman to be the “guest star,” and while some female partners agree, others are more interested in adding another man to the mix. Talk about your preferences, including whether you both want to partake, whether one of you wants to watch, or a bit of both.
Set some ground rules
Setting up some threesome rules is a crucial part of pulling it off. Research shows that women can be awfully protective of their emotional bond with their boyfriend or husband. It’s important to realize that if she feels threatened by your “guest star,” your threesome is going to end pretty badly — and so might your relationship. Talk about the ground rules before the night begins: Are you OK with her kissing the third party? Is she all right with you penetrating another woman? Discuss all the potential outcomes so you both know what to expect. Don’t force your partner into anything she’s not ready for.
Of the many and varied sexual conquests a man can have, threesomes seem to be more of a holy grail than, say, doing it in a bus stop bathroom. Some women share this eagerness to engage with multiple partners at once, but I’ll bet that more men than ladies would put the two-on-one at the top of their to-do list. It’s not that a three-party system is inherently flawed (after all, this is America, land of the free and gluttonous); most women are just ambivalent about it because of the potential emotional implications of inviting another woman into the boudoir. However, even in the face of these seemingly difficult hurdles, it is possible to make your double-up dreams come true. With a little patience, a lot of finesse and some helpful tips on how not to look like an ass, you too can make the leap from the hypothetical to the oh-my-god-this-is-actually-happening
And remember: Make your partner always the star of the show.
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