Very often when we try to explain something we do not choose the wording correctly, and many times to tend to confuse “Natural” with “Normal.”
Been “Natural” and been “Normal” are two different issues. Let’s take a look.
- Normal: Is what you’re used to experiencing, doing, being. Normal is also used to describe individual behavior that conforms to the most common behavior in society (known as conformity).
- Natural is what you’re supposed to experience, do, and be. Natural can be defined in many ways, but based upon its etymology, having some relationship with nature is a dominant theme.
For many people been monogamous is the way of life, you are expected and you assume that monogamy is “normal.” But for many other people, monogamy is not natural and isn’t for everyone.
In fact, monogamy has a lot to do with society, with the way of seeing life and how we
have become accustomed for centuries to accept what was dictated, as exclusive truth, and their monogamy became “normal”
But that doesn’t mean that monogamy is “natural”. These days, a lot of people are questioning themselves about the normality of monogamy and refuse to accept it as “normal.” They want to challenge their notions about sexual exclusivity. Because they feel is not natural.
So, is monogamy natural?
Nothing is harder than to define this and the best answer will be at an individual level, what it means for someone to be natural. I’m not sure how possible a consensus on this definition actually is. But the biggest obstacle that we find is what is for each person the definition of natural?
Yes, we are biologically natural, we are animals. We evolve like any other species in the animal world. The difference is that somewhere along the line, we developed cognitive capabilities that began to separate us from the rest of the species of the animal kingdom. Skills like the use of more complex tools than any other animal, feelings, communications techniques and much more.
But, the question is. Did those capabilities make us less human, less natural?
And that’s why more and more people are questioning whether monogamy is natural or normal, instinctive or induced.
Looking again to our closest animal relatives, amongst primates in general, roughly 80% have been documented as predominantly polygamous. This figure is close to estimates of the existence of the practice amongst human hunter-gatherer societies. Only about 3-5% of known animal species have been documented to exhibit monogamous pair-bonding. And even in species where pairs are known to mate for life (many birds fall into this category), most individuals “cheat.”
So, it is ok or not? Is it natural or normal?
Consensual non-monogamy can add spark and fulfillment to a healthy relationship. It can remove the fear inherent in some monogamous relationships related to the potential for abandonment — for example if their partner were to meet someone else.
Consensual non-monogamy can bring back some of the initial novelty and excitement you felt at the beginning of your relationship, even if that just means watching your partner flirt with someone else. Above and beyond that, couples say that consensual non-monogamy can improve their communication, because it requires a lot of talking, sharing and negotiating, (and) that can strengthen communication in other areas of the relationship, not just your sex life.
Regardless of labels, a central theme seems to be emerging in contemporary sexuality research: monogamy is not normal. This is not a moral opinion. This statement does not imply that monogamy is or is not somehow healthy or right for human culture or individual happiness. It also does not mean that monogamy is an unattainable goal for those striving to attain it. It just means that monogamy does not seem to fit well within the natural landscape, especially that of our evolutionary predecessors.
While monogamy has now become an accepted and ‘right’ way of life in many societies today where we are conditioned to believe that being faithful is natural (when it is normal), in fact, our primal urges are to be promiscuous(that is natural).
You decide for yourself!
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October 14TH-21TH, 2017
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