Are they swingers? They Might Be if…

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How often have we wondered, are they swingers? And it happens, that in this lifestyle, contrary to what many believe, there are no symbols (at least officially), that permit us to safely recognize who is and who is not a swinger. But it nevertheless appears that some people are constantly looking for a way to find-out if a friend, neighbor or coworker is a swinger.

With curiosity and a hint of morbidity, we are constantly on the hunt for the swingers couples. How many of us have not played in public places, the game “Spot the Swinger”. And of course, many of you will tell me; if they have a pineapple on the door it is that they are swingers! Why? Maybe they love pineapples, like me.

One thing is for sure, however…Swingers Are Everywhere

We should get a look at our own behavior and compare the similarity. I think if we recognize these facts, it will be very easy to recognize those elusive swingers in your neighborhood

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So in a funny way, I leave these unmistakable and tested signs, that they might be swingers if…… Like Us…

  • You compete with your spouse as to who can get the waitresses phone number first.
  • She accidentally pats her vanilla girlfriend’s bottom of a baby shower.
  • They leave the house in a long coat and it’s a hundred degrees outside.
  • They come home at 9 o’clock in the morning wearing the same long coat, wearing sunglasses and your hair has that freshly *&%$#@ look.
  • You leave the house with a roll-a-board bag and come home the next morning.
  • Your kids ask how you know people from all over the world.
  • Your kids ask why you are always giggling together while on the computer.
  • You encourage your kids to have sleepovers on the weekends.
  • Your vanilla friends ask why they aren’t invited to your parties.
  • You have more toys than the toy
  • When packing for a trip, you remember that your girlfriend, KumonIwannalaya, likes your Hitachi Magic Wand the best, so you pack that.
  • You pack extra strap-on extensions in case you or a friend breaks one.
  • You always have a bag of condoms in your suitcase.
  • You always have at least two condoms in your purse at all times.
  • TSA pulls out a paddle from your suitcase that says ‘love’.
  • TSA pulls out another paddle that has fur on it.
  • The TSA agent blushes.
  • You feel awkward getting into a hot tub with a bathing suit on.
  • Your vanilla friends invite you into their hot tub and you instinctively take your clothes off right then and there.
  • Your husband comes home with mismatching dress shoes.
  • You have your wife’s underwear in your back pocket.
  • Before travelling on business or to a relative’s house, you look up people in that area.
  • You have a stripper pole.
  • You are wearing a necklace with your name on it in most of your pictures.
  • You fumble when asked which resort you’re staying at in Mexico.
  • You’ve handed out business cards to people, but the cards have nothing to do with your occupation.
  • You panic when you can’t find your camera.
  • You panic when your friends lost their camera.
  • You find yourself a little bored at a strip club.
  • You erase your search history and clear your cache.
  • You have a huddle with your friends about where you’ve met before introducing them to family or vanilla friends.

Photo by The Washington Post –
  • You believe in Unicorns.
  • Vanilla isn’t just a flavoring.
  • You own more platform stilettoes than a stripper.
  • Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area.
  • You have more lingerie than a pornstar.
  • Your friends’ wager who will get the hot vanilla couple first.
  • You have more Facebook friends than your teenage kids.
  • You have more than one Facebook page.
  • You belong to a secret Facebook page.
  • You can’t explain why you don’t have any pictures to show from the cruise.
  • You stage photo ops so you will have pictures to show from the cruise.
  • You find yourself smiling on a Monday morning, but you can’t tell anyone why.
  • You play ‘Spot the Swinger’ at the airport.
  • You get a Birthday card from Lifestyle Lounge.
  • You start your emails off with Helloooo Hotties!
  • You spell come – cum.
  • You end your emails with xoxoxoxox.
  • You don’t know any of your friend’s last names.
  • At lunch, you ask your girlfriend to teach that double twist thing she does that your husband loves so much.
  • You and your spouse attend a deep throat class.
  • You are actually not offended by being just a booty call.
  • You’ve been married for over 20 years and still feel like teenagers in love, you might just be a swinger!
  • If you are a true and proud swinger (like me), without a doubt, you will recognize that these are real signs that we are swingers, and that therefore 99 out of 100 couples, who act like US, are swingers!

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